AT LAST, A NEW VIDEO REVIEW!

We know you've been craving some new Colossi commentary and such.
Quite frankly, your wait is over.
Behold, our glorious return.

Oh boy.. Bliss Island. What can we say?
It feels good to be back boys.
The Colossi are immortal, and so are our videos.

Also, Chicks with Dicks got updated today.
And... Have you witnessed a Giraffe-Humanoid on a Jetski yet?
If not... Xtreme Pets has what you need.


Prepare to be sacrificed fools.

RANDOM YOUTUBE SHIZNIT!

1. G.I. Joe - Don't Hide in Fridges


2. Metalstorm: The Destruction of Jared-Syn


3. Ultimate Warrior hates smoking

THE COLOSSI TURN 1000!

That's right, today is our 1000th birthday.

We are proud to announce that the Colossi are becoming a big deal.

Our youtube videos have been viewed over 50,000 times and we get about 1,000 new views every day. We have 88 subscribers and hundreds of people visit the site daily. We expect the numbers to rise exponentially in the coming months.

We also have 2 brand new yachts and 70 virgins waiting to be enveloped by yours truly.



And if DarkColossi.com isn't enough for you we have several brand new blogs that are just waiting to be laughed at: if you just peek over to your right you will see them. My personal favorite is Things on Babies, followed closely by Xtreme Pets and Dinosaur vs. Celebrity. We expect that Wonky Faces will become huge, after the first real post on that blog you'll see why. We will also have 3 more serious blogs, you know, if you're into that sort of thing.

Anywho, thanks for your patronage and the next Colossi video will not be long in coming.

BATMAN VS. SUB ZERO

Hmmm.. Well here's a game that appeared out of nowhere.
MORTAL KOMBAT VS. DC UNIVERSE


Although to be honest, we all know the gameplay is going to suck.

Color me intrigued regardless.
Comes out Fall of this year.

GHOST IN THE SHELL.. 3D?

DreamWorks has acquired rights to the Japanese manga "Ghost in the Shell" with plans to adapt the futuristic police thriller as a 3-D live-action feature.

Story follows the exploits of a member of a covert ops unit of the Japanese National Public Safety Commission that specializes in fighting technology-related crime.

Created by Masamune Shirow, "Ghost in the Shell" was first published in 1989. It went on to generate two additional manga editions, three anime film adaptations, an anime TV series and three videogames. The second anime film, "Ghost in the Shell 2: Innocence," was released in the U.S. by DreamWorks in 2004.

Avi Arad, Ari Arad and Steven Paul of Seaside Entertainment are attached to produce and brought the project to the studio. Jamie Moss has been tapped to pen the adaptation.

Universal and Sony were also chasing "Ghost in the Shell," but Steven Spielberg took personal interest in the property and made it happen at DreamWorks.

" 'Ghost in the Shell' is one of my favorite stories," Spielberg said. "It's a genre that has arrived, and we enthusiastically welcome it to DreamWorks."

DreamWorks prexy of production Adam Goodman said "Ghost in the Shell" is a property "that epitomizes 3-D live-action motion picture possibilities."

Avi Arad is at the forefront of comicbook-based material, having produced the three "Spider-Man" films, the three "X-Men" movies, the two "Fantastic Four" picss and the upcoming "Iron Man" and "The Incredible Hulk."

Moss' writing credits include "Street Kings," which bowed Friday, and "Last Man Home," in development at Universal.

(Original Source @ Variety)


Ghost in the Shell is truly one of the greatest stories of the 20th century; all media included. If done properly.. It could be quite spectacular.

The Colossi approve.

YOUTUBE CLASSICS.

Whole new sections of the site coming soon.
Working and brain-storming to deliver tons of sweet ass original content as only the Dark Colossi can.
In the mean time, I am consistently delivering my favorite treasures to you, the adoring public.
(treasures below)

1. "DAMN NATURE, YOU SCARY!"


2. "GAY CARLTON VS. OSTRICH"


3. "COMPUTER MONSTER"


4. "POLYSICS"



Youre welcome.
I love you all.

Hug a Colossi.

THE GREATEST BATTLE OF ALL TIME!

Eli Porter 4 life.
"I DID IT."


The Colossi approve.

GEARS OF WAR 2 DETAILS

Ignore any typos.. Original author (from GCO Gamer) obviously had a few flaws in his grammar..
Nevertheless, it's good info.
Enjoy, brave Colossi fans.



..GEARS OF WAR 2 NEW INFO..
New characters:
Tai Kaliso : While Cole and Baird are still a big part of the story, they won’t be attached to Delta Squad as the new game opens. The reunion with those popular characters will have some lead up first, and until then, you’ll be meeting some new personalities. The most memorable of these new additions may be Tai, a spiritual and meditative warrior from a tradition of honor-bound fighters. This familiar archetype should add a fun and perhaps mystical dynamic to the squad.

Chairman Prescott : Lots of gamers found themselves wondering if Marcus’ domineering superior officer was the head of the human government. It turns out that Hoffman is only second in command. Above him stands the Chairman, an almost dictatorial military leader who nonetheless has made the hard choices necessary to keep humanity alive through decades of warfare. As Gears 2 opens, this leader of the COG forces will deliver a speech to the troops before sending them reeling into the suicidal mission ahead.

Dizzy : In the seemingly unending struggle with the Locust Horde, the military forces of the COG have taken massive casualties. Somewhere along the way, Operation Lifeboat was enacted to bring in some fresh blood. Under this new act, the Coalition government will rescue a Stranded family and bring them into the relative story of a COG-protected zone. In return, the able-bodied men of that family join up and contribute their skills to the war effort. Such is the case with hardened soldier Dizzy, a new character who drives the massive Derrick on which Delta Squad ascends into the mountains. With a trademark drawl and an insistence on calling his truck "Betty", he’s a colorful new addition to the cast.

Maria Santiago : When Emergence Day struck, Dom’s wife Maria became a victim as surely as if she had died in that first attack. On that day, her children were killed. Unable to deal with the shock and loss, Maria lost herself in the ruins of civilization. For Dominic, who joined the COG to protect his family, no priority is higher than to retrieve his lost love - his very personal quest to find her is a major part of the story that unfolds in Gears 2.

Gears of War 2 begins six months after the deployment of the Lightmass bomb at the end of part one.

Lots of talk about the new Unreal tech. GI says the story and gameplay are a pretty major leap forward from the original game, but an equally large step is being made in the behind-the-scenes tech. Gears 2 is set to impress just like Gears 1 did. New character lighting, it’s a step away from realistic lighting and towards cinematic lighting. New version of Unreal 3 constantly shifts the lighting technique in order to make a character stand out in the environment. Ambient occlusion is another tech being used. Unreal’s new ability to render huge numbers of individual creatures at the same time… hundereds of Locust troops, each moving independently and as unique individuals. Awesome water effects, soft body physics.

Most multiplayer details are under wraps. There is a remake of Gridlock. Step up in technology is obvious. "We hear hints of all sorts of new multiplayer features, from dramatically expanded co-op modes to multiplayer content that takes advantage of Unreal’s new ability to deliver huge numbers of the Locust horde at one time, but confirmed details will have to wait until a later date."

"Gameplay of Gears 2 will appear mostly familiar to fans, with a few small variations. The core cover/shoot mechanics remain largely intact, but the use of cover has been carefully retouched so it will be harder to get hit while protected, as the character will rest a little further back from the corners. Active reloads won’t be dramatically altered, particularly with the returning weapons. However, some of the new arsenal may vary the way in whihc active reloads are used. New chainsaw duels expand that gruesome combat mechanic to deliver even more excitement. Boss battles return, but a big push is geared towards refining them, making them more fun and epic in scale.

1. "We have creatures that make the Brumak look like a baby panda bear." -Cliff Bleszinski
2. Drop in and drop out co-op.
3. Multiple save files to maintain the integrity of each playthrough without abandoning your other attempts.
4. Gears 2 will have different difficulty settings for each player in co-op. One person can play on Hardcore, one on Casual, for instance. When you are together, the game will understand what that means, and when you split up, you will have individual experiences. Details on how this works exactly are under wraps.
5. A fourth difficulty is being added for the most casual gamers. Harder difficulty settings will remain "truly devastating." They say Casual in the first game wasn’t casual enough. This way everyone who wants to pick up the controller will be embraced.
6. COG Centaur tank. Takes the best parts of a monster truck and a military tank and combines them. There’s a dedicated level where you’ll pilot one.

"We were shown a vast underground cave level wherin Marcus and his companions will take the fight to the Locust. Unlike the sometimes cramped and and linear subterranean paths from the first game, the cavern complex is vast and breathtaking. Branching levels and open spaces give players true tactical choices as they decide which way to tackle an assault. Whatever path you choose, bio-luminescent plants light light the faces of the new Locust Kantus enemies. These monk-like devils hum low and droning chants that can be focused into sonic attacks against you. They wield weapons like the new Gorgon burst pistol and poison grenades, both of which can become part of your arsenal if you play your cards right. However, the Kantus’ true danger lies in their ability to revive their fallen bretheren from afar. Where before you could rest easy after taking down an enemy soldier, now there is the constant danger of them rising back up to continue to fight. The only alternative is to brave the hail of gunfire to break through enemy ranks and kill the Kantus sulking in the rear. Along the way, you may not have access to stable cover anymore, so you’ll have to make do with the moving kind. Massive Locust rock worms will emerge from the cavern walls during battle, guided by the Kantus’ chanting. Luckily, the creatures are so large you can hide behind them as they sliter about, and you too will be able to guide them to an advantageous firing position."

1. The team at Epic is well aware that many players out there hunger for a deeper and more involved storytelling experience. Lots of emotion this time. Joshua Ortega has been brought on, he is a novelist / comic writer. Really sounds like they are working a lot on the story. Sense of depth with the characters. A "darker and more heartfelt narrative." "THE STAKES ARE RAISED. THIS IS HUMANITY’S LAST STAND. EVERYTHING IS AT RISK. NOTHING IS SAFE." -Joshua Ortega
2. Voice actors returning include John DiMaggio as Marcus Fenix, and Carlos Ferro as Dominic Santiago. They will be recording the dialogue side by side, more authentic this way.
3. Forced walking scenes that masked loading time have been replaced with a dynamic conversation camera system - focused facial close ups, shifting dramatic angles, but the player is still in control. There is a "SHUT UP" button that will let you have Marcus end the conversation early and get back to the action.
4. "There’s a certain percentage of the audience that wants to skip all that, and they just want to shoot some s—, and we’re more than willing to cater to that." -Cliff Bleszinski
5. There are collectibles that are relevant to the story. COG tags can be examined to learn about who owned them. War Journal from the pause screen shows your collectibles and what you’re missing, and the locations to search for them.
6. Many Achievements will be able to be earned in Single or Multiplayer. You can check for instance, if you need 1,000 headshots, you can look at your progress in the journal.
7. Your floating robot has a video screen now, so Anya can give you mission updates face to face.

A SLICE OF ACTION . As seen in the second level of Gears of War 2, Assault. The sun-dappled pine forests are in stark contrast to the roiling convoy of human machinery as it rolls up the pristine mountain pass. Fenix and his squad stand atop their massive wheeled transport. Dizzy, the driver of their derrick, is shouting curses over the roar of the engine. As a breathtaking valley vista opens up to the west, the first mortar slams into a nearby derrick, leaving behind a flaming husk. The flying nemacyst and their explosive assaults are only the spear point of the Locust defense. After some near misses, the derrick tumbles off the dirt road and stalls. An emergence hole opens up nearby and Locust infantry begin to pour out. Firing wildly, Marcus and his team push back the assault. Even as Dizzy gets the truck running, a Brumak appears and gives chase. Crashing headlong through he cracking and snapping trees, Dizzy forces the derrick into high gear, even as the transport across the way is overrun. Leaping from their new attack platform, enemy troops attempt to board, and Marcus rushes out from cover to curb stomp the assailants. Ahead, in the distance, a narrow bridge stands, wide enough for only one vehicle. The Locust driver sneers and speeds up his derrick as the drop into the gorge up ahead looms large.


Gears baby.
Can't wait.

EWOK THE BEAST!

Behold, the wonders of YouTube.



"Waddup Diddy?"

Ewok, you truly are "The Beast".

It's been an action packed ridiculously eventful weekend for good ol' Red here.
Meanwhile, Blue's eyes have been threatening to explode.. due to currently unexplained causes.

Sidenote:
I'm starting to hate humans and their "internet".
The amount of sheer stupidity, seemingly prevalent, has been truly astonishing at times.

I may have to destroy everyone.

PREPARE TO BE SACRIFICED.

KEN LEVINE IS DIVINE.

Ken Levine is Divine.

This guy beat GTA IV already, he's crazzzy.

Playstation store.

San Francisco, Calif. – April 3, 2008 – LucasArts today announced that its highly anticipated videogame Star Wars®: The Force Unleashed™ will be released on September 16, 2008 in the United States, September 17 in Southeast Asia and Australia, and September 19 in Europe.

Saints Row 2 release date announced.



Check back later and often.

NEW VIDEO AND OTHER STUFF

There is a new video for you all. Plenty more for you soon.

Oh, and here's a tsunami on the sun.

ASIAN HEAD

So you were probably wishing you had an Asian woman around to follow the movement of your mouse.
Luckily, the Colossi can provide what you desire.

Click here for masturbatory delights.

Anddddd..

Here's IGN's April Fool's joke.
"The Legend of Zelda movie trailer"


Have a good one fellas.
Condemned 2: Bloodshot Video Review coming soon.

TWO NEW VIDEO VOYAGES

Well, we told you April was going to be a huge month.
The Colossi speak only the truth.

To start it off properly, here are two ridiculous new videos to feast upon.
Spread the word mortals.. We're out to conquer.

TOP 5 TYPICAL PLAYS OF THE DAY


HALO 3 VS. BENNY HILL




Lovely, ain't it?
More videos tomorrow.
And everyday, ever.