HAPPY LEAP DAY!

We have some new features that we are anxious to unleash upon you, but will have to wait until Red and I are reunited. Until then, here is some news that might interest you.

EA is one step closer to owning the world. 2k Sports has forfeited their college hoops license because of some debacle.

Microsoft has contacted Wii-mote maker Gyration about making a motion-sensing controller for the ole 360. So, if that happens, we can expect a thousand mini-games to come to the 360 and Xbla especially.

Aliens: Colonial Marines is coming out next year sometime. Not the same one that got canceled for the PS2. Screenshots look pretty sweet, story sounds bearable, and most interesting is that there won't be any HUD, so that players get the ultimate Aliens gaming experience.




Gran Turismo 5: Prologue is probably going to be the most photo realistic game ever. Though GTA IV looks amazing.

Here are some releases, in case you were jonesing:



Army of Two: March 4
Smash Bros: Brawl: March 9
Gran Tusimo 5: Prologue: March 18
N+ (for DS and PSP): March 18
Dark Sector: March 25

BEHOLD, THE GIANT WOODEN PUPPET GIRL!

Need I say more?

Ape Escape video review coming soon... (tonight?!)
Blasto video review coming soon... (tonight?!)
Expect trademark madness within both.
And children being set on fire, probably.

Destructoid, were coming for you.
And were bringing this girl with us.



Bow to the Colossi.

TOP 10 VIDEOGAME CONTROLLERS OF ALL TIME FOLKS!

Yeah, that's right, there is the definitive list for ya. The Colossi provide.

We'll have more videos up this week, don't you worry.

I've been gone far too long; it's nice to be back.

By the way, those are the Red Colossus's beautiful hands gracefully displaying those controllers.

RICK ROLL THOSE DEMONS!

Genius.
That's all I have to say.

If only I was enterprising enough to craft such a lovely mod for the original Doom.. I would.



Here's another treat for ya.. A completely confusing Half-Life 2 mod. I'm not even sure whats happening here. Butttt (literally) I like the music.. And digital booty?



*MIDNIGHT TONIGHT! (Edit at 12:58 AM- ITS COMING.. SOON MY CHILD... 10 MINUTES OR LESS!*
*BE HERE!*
*HUGE DARKCOLOSSI VIDEO UPDATE!*
*IGNORE YOUR FAMILY AND FRIENDS!*
*JOIN US!*
*GO GO GADGET ARM!*

HAN SOLO RPG IN THE WORKS?!

The answer is no.
Nevertheless, I like the idea.
Who wouldn't want to run around seducing women with a belt hanging loosely off your hips?
In a spaceship?
For XP?


I THINK ITS ABOUT TIME FOR SOME NEW DARKCOLOSSI VIDEOS DAMNIT!
CHECK BACK LATER TONIGHT FOR THE BIG OL' UPDATE.

YOUR NEIGHBORS WILL MURDER YOU IF YOU DON'T READ THIS POST.

CHEAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

Well it surely has been a busy weekend for yours truly, the Red Colossus.
I've been left to fend for myself, as Ol' Blue has been off in vacation land running amuck. I assume he is fighting off waves of hostile natives as I type in fact.

Meanwhile, I've been busy beating a few old gems I never managed to complete back in the day on PS1.. such as the original Ape Escape (superb), Blasto (disgusting), and Hearts of Darkness (amazing).

Needless to say, we will have our now trademark video reviews/commentaries up on all of them by the end of the week. In addition to the aforementioned best/worst controllers of all time video. It's a winner and a half, trust me.


THROW THAT MONEY IN THE AIR, AND SAY YEAH.


The Daily Colossi Advice:
If you live in an apartment complex with hostile neighbors beneath you, do not attempt to drunkenly play DDR in the wee hours of the morning. Your stomping and general madness will be all but unexplainable to those who are not aware of the "Dance Dance Revolution" you are attempting to achieve.


We all know you've been hankerin' for some of these pretty babies as well.


P.S. - NBC is inexplicably weak about having their stuff on Youtube. Thusly, my previously linked video of Yeasayer on Conan was removed. Here's another song/video I thoroughly recommend to take its place.

Bat For Lashes - What's a Girl to Do


The Colossi shall continue to expose ye ignorant masses to good music youve probably never heard of. It is an honorable fight.


Today is also the start of a new feature.
Everyday, (since we update daily and all..) we will inform you, our loyal readers, of a new mission you must accomplish.

The Colossi Daily Mission:
Inform at least five people that they are probably gay.

You have until the next update to complete it.
Proceed.

MUSIC, ALIENS, AND KIMBO SLICE.

Moisten your lips and prepare your souls for our upcoming video on the best (and worst) controllers of all time.
It's a real doozy.
And by doozy, I mean hilariously awesome.

This post serves as a warning.

To keep you busy until then, here's some of the greatest albums of all time for your downloading pleasure. (In case you were too lame to listen to them when they came out.)
Copy and paste the links into your browser..

http://rapidshare.com/files/66632350/BOC-MusicHasTheRight.rar = Boards of Canada - Music has the right to Children.

http://www.sendspace.com/file/sn7dnj = Outkast - Aquemini.

http://www.sendspace.com/file/6turzf = Elliot Smith - Either, Or.

http://www.sendspace.com/file/qnz4fs = Bjork - Post.


Sacrifice a child to the Colossi tonight as payment.
And tell your friends to tell some friends.

New Halo 3 Map - Ghost Town.

Greetings ye merry voyagers.

I am currently awake at the ridiculous hour of 4 am.
What better thing to do at such a time then show you the new Halo 3 map, "Ghost Town"?







Yeh so it looks pretty dang sweet.. and very Call of Duty-ish.
I'm all for ruined and decrepit buildings.
More I say, more!

This first one already looks better than the all of the levels from the last of the map packs combined.
This DLC pack #2 will supposedly hit sometime this spring.


Hey Bungie; stop annoying us.
We love you, but we hate you.
Smaller maps please?
Give me Ascension.
Give me Hang em' High. Again.
Give me Ivory Tower for goodness sakes.
At this point I would accept anything from Halo 2 with open arms.

Halo 2 maps > Halo 3 maps.
Clearly.

Fix this Bungie.
Or the Colossi will have no choice but to sacrifice you.

I'm tired. Last night I had a dream I was riding in a shopping cart, downhill, at ridiculous speeds.
Needless to say I enjoyed this dream.

Heres hoping for another winner.

Gears of War 2 baby.

Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls... It's officially here.



GEARS OF WAR 2.

Xbox 360 exclusive.

November, 2008.




The Colossi are revving their chainsaws in anticipation.

"Godamn Locusts..."

Here's hoping they fix the ridiculous host advantage. I have faith in you Epic. Craft that jewel. Throw in some vehicles, whatever you want to do.

And, if by some chance you didn't catch it in the trailer we so generously provided above, GOW2 does indeed appear to have chainsaw duels.
The Colossi are pleased.



Just imagine, a new president and a new Gears, all in the same month.
Come hither sweet November, come hither.

New Video Review + Babbling.

Watch it.
Commanders Attack of the Genos, the competition of dunking, men performing splits, and heaving breasts. What do these things have in common? All are discussed within the latest video.
Click it or perish.
Store should be up soon.

Oh and here's one of my favorite bands of the moment, Yeasayer, on Conan last friday.



Word to the birds.
It's been fun destroying the fresh competition on Halo.
Keep adding us you silly mortals.

One note:
If you send us a voice message through Xbox Live, we will almost assuredly never hear it. Assuming that the quality of your mic plus breath control was good enough to not sound like a robot trapped inside of a sewer; we still have to get past the fact that we listen to music when we play Halo and such. So yeah. We usually just delete em'.

Coming soon:
Win a night with the Colossi.

You know you want it.

Attention Perverts!

Since I'm sure almost all of our lovely readers are not only videogame fans but perverts as well; I've decided to grace your screens with something to tickle both teacups.

As I'm sure you are vastly aware, Princess Peach is a playable character in the recently released (at least in Japan) Super Smash Bros. Brawl for the Wii. You may also be aware she is a female. With undergarments to boot.

Anywhoo, here is the extraordinary work of a dedicated Peach fan, presumably in his mothers basement.





Attempt to control your excitement so you can check back later.
We'll have a few new videos up by the end of the night.

Discs of Tron Video Review

Good game, excellent graphics.
But for real, we like it.

To reiterate...If you haven't noticed, there is a new section to the right at the top, it's called Videos, yeah, we have them all on the site now, archived so you can watch them over and over again and never have to leave the comfort of our warm domain.



Side Note: Things the Colossi are sick of: The Companion Cube from Portal being used and abused like it was just a piece of meat. Truly, it will be forever immortalized in the gaming annals, but it has become overused and I'm sick of seeing it everywhere. We get it, we all played Portal, it was awesome, we all love it, but it's over, let it die.

Also, I, the Blue Colossus, am sick of seeing no money in my bank account. So please, send me money in the form of thousands of dollars.

Give us some feedback on the site. If you want something we don't have, tell us what it is and we might put it up.

We're on a roll folks.
The Dark Colossi are quite officially a force.
Thanks to everyone who keeps checking back with us.

Just you wait.
We're angry, focused, and hungry.

Internet; watch out.

UFO Defense

Greetings.



The Colossi have been feverishly working behind the scenes on the complete site overhaul. In fact, so much so that I need to get back to work.

We've also thrown together a little Colossi magic and created some new videos for next week. Wait till you see what we have in store this time.


In the meantime, educate yourself on one of the greatest games of all time.

XCOM UFO DEFENSE. (Wikipedia)

X-Com UFO Defense is the shit, plain and simple.

They had a sequel underwater as well, in "Terror from the Deep"; and then came the problem-ridden but still entertaining X Com Apocalypse. Blah blah go download them somewhere.




Do that, and then maybe put on your dance shoes, talk to some women, that kinda stuff.
It's only 8:30 mortal.

Check back later tonight.

EDIT:
The new layout is officially up and ready to destroy!
Go check out our new lovely Videos section up on the top right, and grab yourself a snack while your at it.

Oh and vote on our new poll over there too.
I think the answer is obvious.

Congratulations to The Pit for winning last weeks poll.
The Colossi agree with our loyal readers.
The Pit reigns supreme.
In fact, why don't you check out our video of Colossi Pit strategy here:
CLICK ME YOU BASTARD



We shall soon be sacrificing our first videogame.
The Monthly Sacrifices are coming.

Weep mortal.. weep.



I dare you.

Microsoft to release handheld device before Christmas of 2009?!

Ah, the elusive and long rumored Microsoft handheld stystem. Our reliable sources tell us it will act much like the PSP in its remote capabilities. It will also act like a GPS, have a Xbox marketplace, and an extensive online community. “It also acts as a heating pack for sore muscles, &/or a cooling pack if you want to put it in your lunch,” our source has revealed to us. Very innovative. Unfortunately, due to contract stipulations Microsoft has with itself, any system they release must outweigh their rivals ten to one. Subsequently the device is expected to weigh in at around twenty pounds. A small price to pay.

As for possible names, our sources tell us there are three which Microsoft has focused in on.

1. “The PSPDSGBA”
- Because, as a Microsoft executive has told our source, “Those letter combinations have generated a lot of revenue in the past.”
2. “The Xbox 173”
- “It doesn’t quite have half the capabilities of the 360, but it’s close.”
3. “The Shitter”
- “Let’s face it, it’s where you’re going to do most of your gaming with this thing.”

Finally, Microsoft is getting into the portable world. Tentative prices range from $150-$400. Either way, we expect that the "PSPDSGBA" will sell millions around Christmas time. (Analysts also expect high compatibility with the Xbox 720)

Check back often for more breaking news as only the Colossi can provide.
Also, join the thriving forums, because, well, they are thriving.

Hello world; I'm the T-Shirt.

Say hello to the bad guy.

Now just imagine your own god like physique draped in one of these rich linens.
Soon, these dreams will become reality.

Coming soon:
A complete site overhaul to handle the crazy amount of traffic we've been getting lately.

Hundreds more features, videos, articles, and madness.
Plus boobs and stuff.

Video Review of Conflict: Denied Ops

Wrapping up: don't buy or rent this game or you will surely become horribly sick or perhaps even die.

Commanders: Attack of the Genos and Discs of Tron are two XBLA games the Colossi recommend. We will have video reviews of them up by the end of whenever we get a chance.

I got your news right here!

Finally, some new screenshots of Spore and SF IV are out.

Spore looks a little too cutesy for me, but it also looks very in depth, so I'll just cross my fingers until September 7th, when Spore is supposed to be released. I believe there is a good chance it will be delayed.



Check out the rest of the pics here, http://www.joystiq.com/photos/spore-gallery-2/637897/

As for Street Fighter IV...



And another...



Her thighs aren't big enough.

Dead Space--or as I like to call it, Resident Evil in Space--developer EA Redwood Shores is thinking about leaving the pause option out of game, so that players can't stop the game when they get too afraid. I scare pretty easy...



I also advise you to visit the GTA IV website again, just for the song on the front page, it is quite mesmerizing.

We will update again today with an exclusive review of Eidos's newest game, Conflict: Denied Ops.

Glitch of the Day: Missile Chicanery

So were still working on the huge updates, behind the scenes of course.
Look for a dedicated video section, tons of new features, and naked women.
Plus more.
By the end of the week, this site will be cooler than a polar bears toenails.

So anyways, heres your nightly video update of exclusive madness, courtesy of us, the Dark Colossi.



Halo glitch goodness.
Hope ya enjoy.

Oh and go see Rambo. A lot of people die. By bullets.

The Dawn of a New Era.

Huge updates tomorrow.
Forealz.
Prepare yourselves oh loyal readers.

EDIT: Check back late tonight. Get drunk first.

Secrets of Call of Duty 4 Video

In a rare moment of supreme seriousness;
I, the Red Colossus, would like to thank every single person who has been visiting us, bookmarking us, watching our videos, and just generally supporting us.

Yesterday was an epic milestone for us.

The Colossi are pleased to announce we had over seventeen thousand unique visitors yesterday, from all over the world.
The numbers are doubling everyday, and we appreciate every one of you.
Trust us when we say we are completely dedicated to bringing you exclusive content on a daily basis. We will continue to do so in increasingly amazing varieties in the coming days, weeks, months, and years.
Hop on the bus now before it takes off for amazing-town.


ANYWHOO
Here is our latest video, featuring the usual commentary by both me and Blue, as well returning guests Rumple4Skin and Otis Flash. This ones on Call of Duty 4 for the Xbox 360, and easily unveils how to complete one of the Challenges.




Look for the shirts to be up within the week.
They seriously look amazing.
Hint: Drop us an e-mail, comment, send us some pictures, whatever. You may get a free one..



And, as always:
PREPARE TO BE SACRIFICED.

Up to date gaming news for the up to date gamer.

This is the debut trailer for Facebreaker, looks like The Incredibles meets boxing meets it looks humorous.

Here is the official website of Grand Theft Auto IV. (The music on the front page is awesome). Any site that starts with me verifying my birthdate but doesn't end in shame is dissapointing.http://www.rockstargames.com/IV/



Patapon for the PSP. The art style looks good and the sounds are cute, not much else I'm looking from these things...

Here are 10 games coming out soon that you should probably get, or at least shake a stick at...if you know what's good for ya:

- Super Smash Bros: Brawl - March 9
- Lost Odyssey - February 12
- Army of Two - March 4
- Mass Effect: Bring Down the Sky - March 10
- Dark Sector - March 25
- Baroque - March 18
- Okami - March 25
- Lost Planet (hits PS3) - February 26
- Civilization Revolution - April 1
- Grand Theft Auto IV - April 29

We got the t-shirts in and we'll have some photos up soon, they look like a million dollars spit up all over your torso.

The single greatest video on the internet?

One of our well tested starting strategies on The Pit. (Halo 3)

As you can tell, we have been working hard to make the Dark Colossi a necessary part of your daily internet life.

Featuring exclusive new videos and features everyday, subscribe now (to the right) so you won't miss one nugget of Dark Colossi goodness.

Oh and Rez is sweet.
Hit up the Xbox Live marketplace and give it a shot.. Preferably on drugs.

Oodles & Oodles of Info.

This game looks sweet, pretty in depth battle system and an interesting story (Sakaguchi did the story, so it should be good).



So, Street Fighter IV, coming out 06/15/2008 hopefully, will have the original cast from SF II she's excited.


Amid all the Brawl videos and Wii minigames games, you'll find an interesting gem such as Endless Ocean here. The graphics look quite good (for any system) and I imagine finding that last illusive marine creature in the depths of the ocean will be quite exhilarating.

As for what is some news on other sites...joystiq.com, nothing interesting unless you don't already know that Activision made a lot of money because they made COD4.

Destructoid.com rarely has good news on the front page, but hit the jump, because this is pretty cool.

Digg.com isn't a gaming site, but it always has something good to check out, so you check this out.


As for what is going on with us? Big things always.

The next post will be dedicated to games you probably haven't heard about.

How to humiliate your opponent on The Club

There is that tasty morsel for you.

I'll update again tonight as we have more videos to show you.

Subscribe to our mailing list, bookmark us, whatever you have to do to get the entertainment only we provide.

We got some big ideas for the near future so keep yourself updated.

Dark Colossi perusing the internet fun time.

Check out the video.

As for some actual gaming news:

Looks like we will see another KOTOR, but as for when and who is going to make it, still unsure. If Bioware doesn't do it, I might be wary of it.



PaRappa the Rappa fans, looks like you will be delighted to hear that another one is coming out late this year.

Activision and Vivendi (which owns Blizzard aka Warcraft) merged together, so now they are worth a combined $18.9 billion ridiculous dollars. I've got $400 in my bank account right now, so I can't really fathom it, but I've heard a billion is a lot of money so...



A new Deus Ex is getting made and 2k Sports is making a new boxing game titled, "Don King Presents: Prizefighter." Don King sucks and so will a game with his name in it.

Plenty more news around the corner, but I'm tired so that's it for now.

A Day of Decadence.

Today is a glorious day.
The Dark Colossi have awoken from their slumber.

To celebrate our return, I have compiled something truly epic for you to feast upon.

Sure we all love video games and such.
If theres anything else we can all stand behind, it's good music.

Pitchfork rated the Top 100 Albums of the 1990's.

I'll be posting them all eventually.
Here are the top 10.

Feast mortals.

01 - Radiohead - OK COMPUTER

02 - My Bloody Valentine - LOVELESS

03 - The Flaming Lips - SOFT BULLETIN

04 - Neutral Milk Hotel - IN AN AEROPLANE OVER THE SEA

05 - Pavement - SLANTED AND ENCHANTED

06 - Nirvana - NEVERMIND

07 - DJ Shadow - ..ENDTRODUCING

08 - Pavement - CROOKED RAIN, CROOKED RAIN

09 - Bonnie "Prince" Billy - I SEE A DARKNESS

10 - Guided by Voices - BEE THOUSAND



Prepare to be sacrificed.